MASHed
by Reefgirl
Summary: Radek and Rodney build a still with disasterous consequences. Thanks to Cammy's The Atlantis Handbook for the idea


MASHed

Rodney McKay was working on one of the generators as he spotted Radek Zelenka scurrying past with what looked like a load of scrap metal. He couldn't stand secrets, he had to know what Radek was up to, he put down his tools and followed. Radek disappeared into the abandoned Lab 13, no one used Lab 13, after several accidents, the more superstitious members of his team had refused to work in there and it they had abandoned it. Rodney slunk into the lab and lurked in the shadows, he could hear Radek muttering in Czech and he was working on something that defiantly wasn't Ancient technology, whatever it was it looked familiar.

"Radek, you're building a still," exclaimed Rodney. Radek swore and dropped the piece of equipment he was holding with a clang

"Rodney what the hell are you doing in here, go away and let me carry on," demanded Radek

"What do you want to build a still for? the Daedalus brings alcohol for us". replied McKay

"For a price, and how long does it last? 3 days at the most after the Marines get their hands on it, this way we have an inexhaustible supply" said Radek

"How do you know how to make one?" asked Rodney

"Growing up in a Communist state you learn at an early age" replied Zelenka "my grandfather and some of his Polish friends used to keep the whole town supplied, I was 15 when I built my first. Now are you going to stand there and whine at me about misuse of supplies or are you going to help me?" Rodney picked up a spanner and some duct tape

"Where do I start?"

The next day Teyla found herself standing outside a lab in the bowels of the city with a box of things from a list given to her by Dr Zelenka.

"Dr Zelenka it is Teyla, I have the things you requested from the mainland" she called. The door opened and Zelenka looked out

"Thank you, thank you" he took the box and kissed her on the cheek "when it is finished you will be the first to sample it" and he closed the door on her. She frowned, funny, Dr Zelenka was never this secretive and usually stopped to talk to her, she put her ear to the door, he was with someone, they were talking about yield and temperature, strength and taste, the other voice sounded like Dr McKay. She shook her head and walked away, she'd find out eventually.

Back in the lab, Radek and Rodney were putting the final phase into operation

"Ok fire it up" said Radek, Rodney flicked a switch and the still started to hum, Radek checked the temperature and smiled "perfect, we must keep the power and temperature constant, any fluctuations and...boom"

"That should be easy, one or other of us can keep an eye on power distribution from the control room, I'll set up remote access from there" said Rodney.

Rumours were starting to fly; Teyla had been asking questions about why Dr Zelenka needed these particular supplies. Major Lorne had said it sounded like they were making Moonshine, Dr Beckett wondered if they were trying to make a decent antiseptic, he'd been on at them for months, Ronan said maybe they were making a biological weapon to wipe out the Wraith, it was about time they did something. Colonel Sheppard said it sounded like all three and he wanted first taste when it was finished.

Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled the first storm of the season was approaching fast.

"Rodney I think we ought to raise the shield don't you?" said Elizabeth Weir, she could see the rain beginning to lash the control tower balcony. Rodney entered the appropriate commands and the shield began to cover the city

"Better tell Dr Beckett to get the Dramamine ready, looks like a rough ride," remarked John Sheppard. A bolt of lightning struck the shield, the lights flickered and the burned a little brighter.

"What happened?" asked Elizabeth. Doctor Kusanagi turned to face her

"Nothing to worry about, the lightning caused a power fluctuation, there's just a few more volts flowing through the city, nothing dangerous, it'll be back to normal soon" she replied. Too late, Radek and Rodney realized the implications of the power surge

"Lab 13" they said in unison, Radek headed off down the stairs, running

"I'll see what I can do from here" Rodney yelled after him and turned back to the console. John and Elizabeth looked at each other and then at McKay

"Rodney?" she enquired, Rodney looked sheepish

"An experiment that's gone dangerously awry" he explained vaguely, he thumped the console "damn I can't do anything from here" he tapped his earpiece "Radek how's it looking?"

"Bad" came the reply

"Boom?" asked Rodney

"I think so, but I think we can contain it," replied Radek. Rodney leapt out of his seat and ran down the stairs; curious John and Elizabeth followed him

In Lab 13 Radek knew this was a no win situation, the still was going to explode, in his experience the explosion wouldn't be big, even so he'd try to contain the explosion. Rodney came running into the lab

"How long?" he gasped

"Not long, help me try and get this metal sheeting around it, try and contain the explosion" replied Radek, the still rumbled and gave an ominous gurgle

"Too late" yelled Rodney, he and Radek ducked underneath a console and put their hands over their heads. The explosion, when it came, had been heard in every corner of Atlantis, the city shook and rolled on the water's surface. John Sheppard scrambled to his feet and held out his hand to pull Elizabeth up, they peered into the smoking remains of the lab as McKay and Zelenka crawled out of the twisted wreck of their console

"Dr Beckett could you bring a med team to Lab 13 please" said Elizabeth, trying very hard to keep a straight face and keep the laughter out of her voice "and I want to see you 2 in my office as soon as Dr Beckett releases you.

In her office, the two sheepish looking Doctor's stood in front of her

"Dr McKay, Dr Zelenka or should I call you Dr's Pierce and McIntyre, an explanation if you please" said Elizabeth. Radek and Rodney knew they'd been rumbled so the 'We were trying out a new explosive material' wasn't going to work

"We miscalculated the power requirements needed for a decent drink," said Rodney shrugging

"We obviously need to make a few adjustments to take into account the strength of the power from the ZPM and the ingredients from the mainland, it takes a little experimenting" said Radek meekly, Elizabeth's mouth twitched, she was enjoying this.

I know you were trying to do us a favour and I know alcohol is in short supply but this is ridiculous, there is nothing left of Lab 13, what wasn't destroyed in the explosion dissolved". she said "God knows what would have happened if we'd drank it. Now understand this while I'm in favour of enterprise I'm not going to risk you 2 destroying any more of Atlantis, no more stills inside the city".

Outside her office McKay turned to Zelenka

"She did say 'No more stills IN the city' didn't she?" he asked

"Yes she said that, why?" replied Radek

"Well there's a quiet corner of the North Pier that should serve our purposes" Radek grinned "You get the necessary equipment and I'll have a word with the Athosians about supplies" said Rodney


End file.
